"East Berlin"
A Spender/Krycek Moment
by Amatia

	It must be in his nature to leave the windows open after he leaves.

	I can see how he would want to enter and exit through a window
rather than through the door, and it's lucky for him that I live on a
second-floor apartment that has a fire escape. But I just don't understand
him leaving the window open after he's gone.

	He leaves it open while we make love, and I know that he's
claustrophobic. He told me about Tunguska, the cell with Mulder, how Mulder
had tried to take his anger out on him. He told me about the peasants with
one arm, and how they had robbed him. He hadn't had to tell me about that,
I could see it and feel it every time we made love.

	Last time I tried to get him to stay, to spend the night. He
replied that he wished he could, but it was too risky. The fact that I am
my father's son is a problem for him. He can't reconcile the fact that the
man he fucks three times a week is related to the man who runs his life.

	But then again, maybe our relationship is his way of laughing in my
father's face.

	Does that bother me? Not really. I know Alex has his demons and
that they hold him back at times. Sometimes they surround him, chaining
him, and he can see and hear the world outside but he can't escape.

	I like to think that sometimes, he escapes to me.

	***

Note: The title is from this portion of a Dar Williams song:
	"... and I am like East Berlin. I have this wall, and what I knew
of the free world was that I could see their fireworks, and I could hear
their radios." It's been in my idea box for months, so I figured it was
time to use it. :-)