Title: Honor Thy Father Author: Julie Cantrell Rating: PG Category: VA Spoilers: "Two Fathers"/"One Son" Keywords: None Summary: During the final moments of "One Son", Jeffrey Spender does some soul searching. Feedback: PLEASE! I live for feedback! Please send comments to me at curls@zoomnet.net Archive: DO NOT ARCHIVE AT GOSSAMER (I already took care of that). Anyone else, just let me know where it's going. Disclaimers: All of the characters in this story belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox Television. No infringement is intended. ****************** Honor Thy Father by Julie Cantrell ****************** As the door to A.D. Kersh's office clicks shut, I realize that I've just ended a part of my life. I nod politely to Kersh's assistant, ignoring the smug look on her face. I leave the outer office and head toward the elevators. It's funny. This is not how I imagined my career with the FBI. I always thought it would be a place to build a career and have an occasional moment of glory. I thought that I would meet people and go places. I thought that in thirty years I would be a retiring assistant director. I even imagined the cheap watch the agents under my supervision would present to me as a goodbye gift. Yeah, it's funny all right. Damn near hysterical. I let out a bitter guffaw as I enter the elevator car. I hit the button that will whisk me away to the basement and the doors slide shut, closing out the world. My life has turned out to be nothing but a sham. They say that you can never really understand a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Two baby steps in Fox Mulder's shoes nearly scared the shit out of me. If this is what his life is like, then I'm not so sure my father was off target when he told me that I 'pale' to Mulder. My whole life, I've shunned my mother. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but I honestly believed that she was a fruitcake. I found her stories of aliens to be painfully embarrassing and hid her away like she was a nasty blemish. Mulder didn't do that, though. He embraced my mother. He believed her. In turn, when she needed help, she went to him. It hurts like hell when the person who gave you life can't trust you enough to ask for help. I resented Mulder for believing in my mother. All of the events leading up to the discovery of my mother's burnt body at El Rico Air Force Base say one thing to me. Mulder could have prevented it. My mother would still be alive. I couldn't save her and she knew it. He could. My thoughts stray to my father. How on Earth could I ever believe a man who abandoned my mother and me in the first place? The only answer I can come up with, besides pure ignorance, is that the little boy in me still desperately wanted his dad to support him. Part of me still wanted his approval. Honor thy father, as the saying goes. I'm horrified to think of what I could have become. I almost permanently ruined two careers because I listened to my father. I helped bury my own mother. Hell, I was even ready to commit murder because he told me to do it. How's that for independence? Good ol' dad says, "Here son, this guy needs to die. All ya have to do is pierce him in the back of the neck and he's toast." What do you think I did? "Sure, daddy. Whatever you say." Have I always been spineless? No more! I told Krycek that I'd be my own great man and I'm determined to do that. I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way. Step one was to help Mulder and Scully get back where they belong. My heart was never in the X-files. They, on the other hand, have an extreme dedication to the work. Dedication is an important part of the job. Somewhere along my ladder climbing, I forgot about that. As I walk from the elevator through the dimly lit hallway, I wonder how Mulder has handled a lifetime of scorn. People laugh at his beliefs. I know because I did, too. His colleagues mock him to his face and yet, he remains strong. I figure his partner has a lot to do with that. Dana Scully can be mad as hell at her partner, but if anyone else said one bad thing about him, I wouldn't want to be present. I've seen her wrath before and she might take hostages. My thoughts cause me to grin for the first time in ages. My reprieve from grief is short lived as my thoughts return to my mother. People mocked her, too. The one thing I regret most is not believing my mom. Actually, even if I would have listened to her every once in a while, it would have been an improvement. Oh, God, why didn't I just take a few moments and listen? I step into the office and I stop short. *He* is sitting at the desk. "Get out of here," I say. Doesn't he realize that I want no part of his insanity anymore. He waves a photograph in his hand, ignoring my demand. "This picture you have," he begins, "I haven't seen it since you were born." I walk from the doorway and stand in front of the desk. "You probably don't even know who the other man is." "I don't care," I reply honestly. "Get out," I repeat. Again, he disregards my wishes and continues to speak. "It's Bill Mulder, Fox Mulder's father. Isn't that something?" I try to hide the feeling of shock on my face. If he noticed, he doesn't indicate it as he keeps talking. "He was a good man. Friend of mine, who betrayed me in the end." "I know more than enough about your past. Enough to hate you," I tell him. Perhaps if I'm honest and cold enough, he'll leave me alone for good. He looks slightly pained. I'm almost ashamed at my pleasure of that look. Almost. "Your mother was right," he sighs. "I came here hoping otherwise." His cold, ice blue eyes pierce me like daggers. He pulls open the desk's right hand drawer. He reaches in and pulls out a gun. What the hell is he doing? "Hoping that my son might live to honor me," he says. I look at him in confusion. I hear the gun click. "Like Bill Mulder's son." He levels the gun at my face. Oh, my God! I can't hide the look of fear. As his finger begins to squeeze the trigger, a feeling of calmness comes over me. I'm going to die, but at least I did the right thing while I still had the chance. At least Fox Mulder will still be honoring his father. He'll make sure that my death wasn't in vain. I couldn't honor my father, but at least he can. ****************** The End. ****************** Author's notes: This idea was born out of two things. First of all, there were many different things to write about after "One Son". I've enjoyed all of the stories about Mulder's feelings about Diana, Scully's feelings about Diana, and Mulder's and Scully's feelings about each other. I even wrote one myself. However, I'm in Mulder/Scully/Diana overload. So, I decided to write from the point of view of a character that took a large step. Jeffrey Spender is the other thing that inspired me to write. Very rarely do I change opinions about characters, especially in such a short amount of time. When we were first introduced to Spender (i.e. "Patient X"), I felt sorry for him in the beginning and then, later became annoyed. After "The End", I disliked him tremendously. That feeling continued through the rest of season six until "Two Fathers" and "One Son". These latest episodes made me wonder if I judged to hastily and begged for me to exam Spender's actions once again. After "One Son", I've decided that admiration is what I feel for Jeffrey Spender. It takes a strong person to stand up to CSM and an even stronger one to stand up to his father. Spender did both. ****************** All comments and criticisms can be sent to curls@zoomnet.net and will be greatly appreciated. Flames will be ignored. 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